Long time no post?

Wow, it's been 2 weeks since my last post.  I think that's the longest I've gone since I started in December.

I've had a lot going on, but not a whole lot to post about.

I'm still tracking, still exercising, and actually, it has been one week since my last caffeinated beverage.  While I am not by any means "off" the wagon... I'm also not by any means really in the game weight-loss wise.

Right now I am just trying to balance everything out, while figuring out what the best plan of action is, for me to continue on in this journey in a balanced way.

I wonder if MyFitnessPal is still the answer for me right now... I don't know.
I've debated joining Weight Watchers for added accountability and a different way of tracking intake... I don't know.
I've considered going back to what worked for me before which was just trying to balance my days so I had a few healthier meals and one not-as-healthy meal. Then exercising whenever I could fit it in... no pressure.  


Whatever I decide needs to be balanced enough to last long-term, and not be as consuming as I have been in the past.  One thing I have learned for myself, is that when it comes to exercise and nutrition, I can be a bit of an extremist.  It consumes me.  I can be very "all or nothing" in that respect, and right now I realise that needs to change into a sustainable balanced approach that works for ME.  While MFP did work for me, the way I have reacted to it lately is NOT working.  I became obsessive, and THAT is not my idea of a healthy approach.  

For now, I'm just holding on... trying my best and working towards figuring out which approach will work for me.

And it starts...

I have two days of tracking under my belt.   It feels pretty good. 

I weighed yesterday, and the official weight to start is 225.  

**Rambling Ahead**

I can't be too hard on myself, but that means that I am the same weight I was in February.  So, although I have lost and gained, I have made no significant progress (weight-wise) in almost 5 months.  I did get down around 220, and stayed there for a long time, I saw 214.8 one time when I lost almost 5lbs in a week, but then a few weeks later I was back up to 220 again.  So in my head, I kind of omit the 214.8 (because I wasn`t there long), and therefore feel like I have only really gained 5lbs.  

Moving forward, what's on my mind?

Well, I have a personal trainer appointment tomorrow.  I'm feeling really sceptical about it.  The last time I met with this trainer, I did not pick up a very good vibe from her.  I'm hoping it goes well, but I guess we'll see.  My number one priority it getting my cardio back up, and while I haven't been to the gym yet this week, I have done the Canyon View Trail several times and had one rest day so far.  

Today I plan to either do the Canyon View again, or go for a run.  Tomorrow will be my first a.m. workout in weeks, and then next week I intend to resume my a.m. workouts completely.  Now that I am mostly healed less injured I feel like I should be able to get back in the game.  

Its funny.  In my head I feel SO LAZY and like such a failure for the last few months. Then, really when I think about it... I have been injured! I am supposed to be taking it easy and letting my body heal.  I just forget that I am injured and call myself lazy all the time.  Then because I feel lazy, I make poor food choices and feel worse.  Its such a rough spiral. 

Hurt  ->  Rest  ->  Feel Lazy  ->  Eat  -> Feel bad for eating  -> Feel lazy  -> Eat more  .... and so on.

Now comes the task of climbing back out of the hole I dug.  LUCKILY, I only have a 5lb hole to dig this time. I can get back on track and focus on getting my body into the shape I want it and get to the point in my journey where I can enjoy maintenance which is somewhere between 45-75lbs away.  I've already lost 82lbs so I am over half-way no matter which way I split it!!  

Also, I have committed to running a half marathon in October.  It is now just over 12 weeks away.  

One thing is for sure

I NEED TO START TRAINING!!

Positive affirmations:

I will be in control of what goes in my mouth

I will get under the 200lb mark

I will be happy and healthy 

 

Productivity in Laziness (Meghan Tonjes)

I am having a lazy day.

Jeff (my Husband) and I went out to a friends 30th birthday party last night.  Since having children, we don't really get out to socialize often, with the exception of the last few weeks. When we do go out, if there is alcohol involved, I'm pretty much guaranteed to fully take advantage of my freedom.  

This morning may have been painful for me. 

Saturdays are usually a jam packed day around here where I get the kids out of the house and get stuff done, but given my "condition" I decided it was a good day to veg.  

Now you may ask how I could have been productive.

I have just spent the last 6 hours exploring the world of this girl:

I found her on Skinny Emmie's Blog a few days ago and I have become totally captivated. 

Can I just say that I'm totally having a one-sided beav-mance (the obvious alternative to a bro-mance) with Ms. Meghan Tonjes.  Not only does she seem to have an awesome, funny, smart, witty, sassy personality, but she SINGS too!! 

After checking her out more and watching way too many of her videos I feel so much more motivated to continue on my journey as a whole person.  Discovering Tonjes and her Project Lifesize (a YouTube channel about self acceptance) gives me hope that I can be happy and strong enough to continue on in my journey and create the Megan 2.0 I set out to.  I have not failed, but encountered an obstacle that needs to be conquered, and its about damn time I get the guts to try again.

Welcome to my life

Ok, so here it is. I'm having trouble. I'm doubting myself.

*Venting ahead, don't take it TOO seriously*

I have been waiting and looking forward to getting my BodyAge assessment done and starting my personal training package at the gym ever since I signed up almost a month ago.

Today I went in for my appointment. First, the machine wasn't hooked up properly so I didn't get my assessment done. Then I had my nutrition analyzed, and was told to cut back on on fast food, fatty desserts, and water. Yes you read that right, water.

After that I was presented with options to buy more training sessions for 300$ per month.

**Now, I understand that:

A: some people may not know that fatty desserts and fast food contribute to obesity.
B: people judge my knowledge of health and fitness on how I look, and I don't look like a person who runs regularly.
C: trainers are expected to sell you extra training sessions because that's how they make money.

BUT it is so frustrating when people who don't understand anything about me or what I am going through think that telling me simple things like "cut out fast foods and desserts" would actually be something that could help me. If it were that easy, I would have stayed at my goal weight a LONG time ago.

Also when I considered joining a gym in the first place, I didn't even like the idea of spending 50$ a month. Guess what, I'm not paying 300$ per month for someone who doesn't "get" me to tell me how to work out.

Now back to reality, I'm struggling, and struggling hard. My plan (now that I'm all healed up from my hip injury and recovered from the Kusam Klimb, is to get back to running and the gym and get this ball rolling, then tackle my nutrition shortly after.

My half-marathon is 3 months away, and I need to get myself back into running form!