Going back into 2.0 mode

I'm ready.

I didn't really explain why I was taking a break on here, but I'm feeling better and ready to get real with you/me.  

Stress

When I hurt my hip, I figured I would be off for a week and started out with a pretty great attitude towards it all.  I was totally on-track with my foods for the week and I was dropping pounds.  Then my hip didn't get better and to be honest it freaked me out a little.  (My hip is still messed up)

At the end of my low-cal week I was done with it and was frustrated because I wanted to eat more, exercise and still be able to lose weight at the same pace.  With me holding 199 over my head I have been doing the countdown and I know how much I have to lose each week to attain that goal.  Being injured doesn't really help with my plan at all.   I do not intend to EVER use a long term specific scale goal ever again because it is just too much pressure for me.

My Husband was offered a new job out of the blue last week, and it really stressed me out. I really want to feel stable financially so job changes always make me feel pretty anxious. (Big Breath) He starts tomorrow.  I'm feeling much better about the move now that its had a little time to sink in, and I think it will be a good fit for him.

I mentioned at the end of my last post that I may have been "onto something" the last time I lost weight and did it in stages.  I was so much more proud of myself and appreciative of every pound I lost.  I was HAPPY if I lost 5lbs in a month.  I was much more relaxed in my attempt to lose weight and it took much less mental energy.  I think I need to take a lesson from myself and stop putting so much pressure on myself.  Easier said than done I know, but I think in the long run it will help me to avoid the Up/Down roller coaster I've been on lately.

Now, I say SCREW 199.  At least screw getting there by my deadline of June 22nd.  I will pass it eventually, and that will still be an extremely rewarding day, but I need to take the pressure off because its messing with my head.  

So for the last 4 days I moved myself up to maintenance and indulged in foods that I haven't had in a long time, and didn't worry about my calories.  I tracked it all just to keep it honest, but I really just had anything I wanted.  None of it made me feel any better about my current situation, but it did help me realize that food can't actually make anything better.

I've got lots left to work on, but I'm going to try to take it one day at a time.  I'll do what I can (without driving myself insane in the process) to keep moving forward regardless of the pace.

Mental break

Taking a (hopefully brief) break from my Blog and FB page to re-group and deal with this injury.

Be back soon!

Up... Down... Up... Down... Up... Down...

Ok, so I know most journeys to success probably aren't straight-forward and simple.  It seems like it should be, you know, like something just clicks and its all "inspirational" and "inspiring" from then on.  

For a while I tried judging my "old self" planning out a day in the life of "old me".  Then looking back on it and snickering "Wow, I don't know how I ever ate that much, I could never do that again".  Then I slip-up and feel angry with myself for letting me down.  For proving that that girl still exists inside me. 

I look back with tinted glasses since I made "the change" in September.  I keep thinking to myself "I was doing so much better before, why am I feeling so challenged now?".  The truth is, when I go back in my food diary I can see that I have been struggling the entire way.  I have good days, bad days, good weeks, bad weeks, and the ONLY thing I have stayed consistent with is being able to pick myself up and move forward. 

What I am getting at is that this journey, at least in my case, is full of ups and downs.  I have good weeks (like last week) and rough weeks (like this one). Its not even that simple.  I'm actually doing 'ok' on the diet side, and I'm still injured so I've been doing what I can but trying not to push it.  It's more mental for me this week.  I just feel like I'm having a rough week.  

That's how I woke up this morning, and it was only made worse when I stepped on the scale because I'm stupid.  I should have known it was going to be mean.  I mean really, I enjoyed myself with no restrictions on Sunday, I haven't been drinking as much water, and I did my first almost intense workout in a week last night.  Oh wait, and my body tends to hold on to a little extra water during this particular part of my month.  So basically I have EVERY reason to be holding on to water.  

I was up 4lbs from last weeks low of 214.8 to 218.8.  

Even though I know better, it made me feel like crap.  

While I have come a long way from where I started I am still fighting the same battle I was in September, I am not cured, or a new person, or anything dramatic, I'm just me with the belief that I will succeed more times than I fail.   

Interesting Fact:  10 years ago when I lost 90lbs it took me 2 full years.  This time I did it in one year, without trying for 4 months of that time.   Also I did it in a bunch of different stages with time in between each one.  I'm starting to think I may have been onto something mentally.  Its exhausting to continuously go full steam ahead.

Apparently I'm awkward

This weekend I decided to do a little "Carpé Diem".  Saturday I took a walk with my kids just exploring at their pace, and met my Mom for tea at a coffee house spontaneously.  We had a great time.

Saturday night I had been invited out to a birthday party by a friend, except I didn't really know anyone else there personally, including the guest of honor.  I decided to go out of my comfort zone and try to have a good time with some new people.  It turned out really well, and I really enjoyed myself. It was a great group of ladies to hang out with.  That was all aside from the moment when I was totally socially awkward and accidentally gave someone a back-handed compliment that left me feeling stupid for the rest of the night.  Not because I looked stupid, but because I probably came off like a total bitch, when in all reality I am just a bit mortified, but at the time I felt like anything I could do to recover was just going to dig a bigger hole.

It went like this.  We're playing a drinking game with cards that come up telling us to "Take 2 drinks", "Finish half your cup", "Give two drinks away", "Dance for 10 seconds".  So we are totally having a great time laughing and having a few drinks and this card comes up where everyone has to give a compliment to the card-holder and then take a drink.  Well like I said, I didn't know anyone there so the card-holder was someone I was not familiar with. Previous to said turn, she had been wearing a hat from one of the other parts of the game. Here's my socially awkward part.  My turn came and I said "I liked your hair before the hat went on".  Um ok... WHO says that!  She was like "What's wrong with my hair? Did it get messed up?" and then I just felt like a total awkward bitch.  CRAP.  Well, at least it went well for most of the night.  I was just so nervous, I guess I forgot to think before I spoke?? I have no idea, all I know is that I felt horrible.

Moving on.

This morning I woke up with the urge to explore with my family, so after a long process of raising my husband from the dead waking up my husband, we were off.  Originally I had this idea that we could make it 3 hours away, go to a petting zoo, and drive 3 hours back for dinner and a hockey game with my parents.  Well since my husband sleeps like a rock, we ended up changing plans and went on the fly.

We ended up at Butterfly World for the morning, and then carried on to the next big town for lunch and play-time at a giant indoor playground.  My kids had a blast, and so did my husband and I watching them.

My husband was a little thrown off when I asked him to take a picture that was a full-body shot.  I guess he's used to my head-shot only days.  I've been looking for before photos, but full-length unobstructed photos of my at my heaviest are VERY hard to come by.  They pretty much don't really exist. 

On the 2.0 front:  After last week with my low cals, lots of success and improved will power, I took my very first day off logging today.  I decided to just enjoy what the day had to offer without worrying about logging it.  I know I had more than my daily allotment of calories, but today, first day in somewhere around 220 days, I decided to just not worry about it.  Not going to beat myself up, but I WILL be right back to logging tomorrow.   

I also decided to up my calories this week by 150 because towards the end of last week I started to feel a little light-headed which tells me that I was consuming too few calories for me.  So this week I'm shooting for 1390 every day.  Here it goes!! I'm only 15 more pounds from my 199 goal for my birthday and I'm feeling pretty confident that I can make it.  

Wins this week

• Went to Tim Hortons and didn't get anything to eat
• Still got up early every day even though I couldn't work out
• Only had ONE hot dog with my family and subbed the second, third and fourth for soup
• Had fruit for most of my snacks
• Had yogurt for dessert 3 days
• Had JUST ONE 100cal bag of White Fudge Caramel drizzle popcorn for dessert a couple nights (Usually I would have two... or three... That stuff is just too damn good)
• When I was left with less calories for dinner due to poorer choices throughout the day, I ate veggies and kept myself in the green instead of using it as an excuse to go over like I have been doing recently.  
• I've broken into the teens, after 6 weeks weighing in between 226 and 220 I finally weigh as of this morning 214.8lbs. 
• I feel more confident that I will make my 199 goal for June 22nd
• I am really proud of myself that I stuck with it all week and was able use my willpower to make good decisions.  
• I feel much more empowered in making food choices and sticking with them

I've noticed that I always seem to think that even if I ate a lot earlier I end up eating more in the evening because in my head I am afraid of starving or something.  I have to really use mind-over-matter and tell myself that I will not starve if I had enough to eat earlier.  This week has been all about concentrating on my diet and making good healthy choices, so I am hoping with my regained confidence I am able to move on with strength and determination towards my goals.

The scale is moving!!

This week has been a big challenge with big rewards.

Since I injured myself and can't exercise, I with the help of some good support decided to lower calories in the mean time to help keep me on track.  By Wednesday I was down to 218.2, and today when I hopped on the scale it said 216!!

This makes my 199 by June 22nd seem SO MUCH MORE attainable!!  I only have 9 more lbs until I hit 100lbs lost, 14lbs until I hit a "overweight" BMI, and 17lbs until I hit 199! (Insert happy dance here)

Below is a picture of me today at 216lbs!

Below is my week summary on MFP, and how pretty does that look!! I have NEVER had it look so neat and tidy before :)  

So I'm thinking that being injured doesn't really have to suck as much as it could have in the past.  I rely pretty heavily on exercise to help keep my "net calories" under control, but with the higher calorie goal I had given myself, I really found I was abusing it to have a lot of junk foods.  Hopefully when I'm able to exercise again and eat more calories, I will (mostly) be making healthier choices.  

Re-focussing, mind over matter.

Since hurting my back on Sunday's 14k run, I have decided to rest my body and allow it to heal. This devastated me because working out is a big part in my losing weight, and it allows me, evens requires me, to eat more food.

It's no secret that I have been struggling with my food consumption and choices for the last few months, often going over and losing confidence in my ability to control what goes in my mouth.

This break from exercise may be exactly what I needed right now. It is forcing me (well if I want to be successful anyways) to eat smaller portions and plan ahead to make sure I don't go over. I moved my calorie goal down to 1240 while I'm resting and I am actively practicing will-power and winning.

I want to keep it clear, I am still an advocate for eating more, especially when you are exercising. 1240 won't be a long-term thing for me. As soon as I start exercising again (hopefully soon) I will go back up to 1650 or so, but for now, at 1240 it's resetting me mentally because in order to not be hungry eating that much you need to practice portion control and eat healthy foods. My hope is that it will give me my confidence back when it comes to food. I have been eating way too much junk lately and junk leads to more junk!!

This morning as a result I was finally down to 218.2! This makes a 1.8lb loss for the month so far (we're over half-way through) but its better than the 2 I was up :P

This also meant giving up ChaLEAN, but I think I made the right choice for me at this moment. Chalean will always be there for me to do again, and I DO plan on finishing it in the future!

Painfully adapting

Yesterday I killed my hip.  Well, at least I thought it was my hip.  Now I'm thinking it's actually my lower back. Regardless,  I don't want to push myself and make it worse so I am taking a complete rest. It didn't hurt me quite as much today but it still felt uncomfortable and not 'right'.

Those that have been following me regularly know that I have been struggling lately.  I've been making poor food choices all over the place and indulging far more frequently than would be considered 'healthy'.  I have been using my larger calorie allowance to spend on empty calories (after I meet the macros I aim for).

Last week I quit smoking.  *Gasp*  I know, it's not something I was proud of.  I was only having one evening cigarette a day with my husband, but it was kind of my nightly rebellion crutch.  Judge away, you might think "Ew, I didn't know she smoked" or "One a day? That's not even smoking", or if you're cool you'll just think "Way to go Megan".

Anyhow, last week I ate every single one of my exercise calories in addition to my regular ones and probably more.  I had a "Double Down", Tim bits, Lava Cake, easter chocolate, donuts, KFC... again, cupcakes, pizza, and more probably.  Yeah, not great choices. Lets be real though, it wasn't just last week, ever since the start of Push Phase I have really been struggling with poor choices (about 6 weeks ago).

So...  For now I have decided to eat less and go back to basics.  I spent the day going over my food diary during my more successful times and gathered some ideas for my grocery list. I also painfully set my calories lower to help balance out the fact that I am not working out for the next week.  The good news is that there isn't a lot of room for indulgences, and I think that's a good thing.  I'm going to get my feet back on solid ground, get my confidence back and really start from scratch.  When I can work out again I will bump up my calories and create a new normal for myself hopefully adding mostly healthy choices and keep my treats as treats and not every day events.

Today was my first day with lower calories, and while I did have the very last piece of birthday cake leftover from yesterday I was able to stay on track with all my other choices and end my day only 6 calories over.  I even said no to a second offered piece of cake and watched my husband devour his right beside me.  So today was a SUCCESS!

Off Topic... I rock!!

Today was my son's 3rd birthday party.  I just had to share this because I have never been so proud to have a successful party before and I think he might never forget this one!!  

I made the cake, the shirt, and the cardboard cars!!

14k today!

I got up early (on the weekend) to run my 14k.  I headed out the door at about 6:45am!!

Here is the sunrise over the ocean.  

So by around the 5th km I was feeling pretty great.  THEN my water bottle fell and broke open.  All I could do was start repeating "Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK".  I believe I may have scared another runner with-in ear reach because right then she started to sprint.  

So for the next 3k I was trying to figure out where I could get some water to keep myself hydrated, and also I needed to use some facilities.  So when I found these washrooms at a park on my route, they saved my life!!!!  Seriously I have never been so happy to see a washroom, and one with a running sink at that!

I ran by the marina I used to live in.  Yes I used to live on a boat, in a marina.  It was nice to reminisce. 

I continued on my route to the beautiful spit and checked out the sights towards Quadra Island!

Here I am right after getting to 14k.  Unfortunately, I am now hurting pretty bad.  My hip was tight on my run and I ended up limping all day. 

This was my post-run breakfast!  I had a pulled pork hash from a local restaurant!  

Hold UP!

This has been one very challenging week.

I did great getting all my workouts in, and getting them done in the morning.  I usually put up my weekly recap today, but I don't feel like going through it in detail.  Basically it was: working out was GREAT, my food not-so-much.  I ate every single one of my exercise calories this week and probably by the end of today, plus some.

I had a lot on my plate, and I hate saying/admitting that because its an excuse.  I had a lot going on behind the scenes as well that has thrown me off my game somewhat.  I feel like I'm caught somewhere in between being too hard on myself, and giving myself too much slack.

I weighed in just to check today I was only down 1lb from last week.  I'm not really surprised as I have had a few high sodium days and lots of lifting again this week.  Even though I know I have lots of reasons to be up a 1lb, its totally getting to me mentally.  As much as I would like be able to tell you all that its ok, it still gets to me when I see numbers that are not where I expected them to be.

Where does this leave me?

I think I'm going to forget about the f'n scale until the 1st of May.  My theory being that during my month off the scale, if I had a bad day, it was easier to get back on track. Right now if I mess up on Monday I feel like I ruined my week.  Then I use it as an excuse to slack and then "go hard next week".  (insert eye-roll here since I hate excuses, yet I still listen to my own sometimes and it makes me feel weak)

Also, although I love the strength and muscle I am building with ChaLEAN,it doesn't make as big of a difference on the scale.  Long-term its a great thing, but short-term while I'm chasing 199 for my birthday, all I really want is to get there.  In two weeks when I'm done ChaLEAN I'm going into operation 199 mode.  strength train once a week to maintain what I have built, and the rest will be cardio cardio cardio and getting a little more strict with my diet.

AFTER my birthday I will be 'back to normal', probably higher calories and hopefully just concentrating on my fitness goals while I am on the home-stretch of my journey.  I swear 199 is my last scale goal even though I will continue to lose weight after I hit it.  It's just too much pressure for me.  I can't stop thinking how many pounds I have to go.  I can't concentrate on the small goals because every time I do, I immediately relate it to 199.

By May 1st I hope to be down to 214.  Then I would have 7.5 weeks to drop 15lbs which would be 2lbs a week.  That's doable right???



P.S.  Sorry for the rambling today!

I did it!

I set a goal to get up early Tuesday-Friday, and I DID it!!

I have really enjoyed getting my workouts (among other things) done first thing and then having a few minutes of "Me" time to collect myself before really starting the day!

Anyways, I'm keeping it short, just wanted to share.

It's my son's 3rd Birthday this today and we are celebrating on Sunday!  He is in LOVE with Cars and Lightning McQueen so I am having that as my theme and I found a bunch of cute things to do on a budget to make it a birthday to remember!

 Sunday is also my long-run day so my game plan is to get up at 5am for my run and then go about my day as normal.  Can't wait to post pics!

Thoughts from a runner

This is my 3rd day in a row getting up early to workout! Yay me!  I actually ended up going to bed at 9:30 last night because I was so exhausted! This morning I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to go.

So this morning on my run, I got to thinking about how I have heard that "real runners don't listen to music when they run" just them and the pavement... Blah blah blah.

Well I decided to see of I was a real runner. Once I was running ocean-side, I took out my earbuds and let 'er rip just me, the pavement and the waves. It was serene, relaxing, and I felt myself struggling to keep the pace I was going for on my Tempo run. By 3.5k I decided it was nice, but I'd had enough. I put my earbuds in, turned up one of my favorite songs and cranked out the rest of my run upbeat and at a great pace :)

It was like the music drowned out that little voice in my head that told me I was tired, picked me up and drove me forward!  I could probably do one of my easy runs without music, but I really get pumped up with my music on.  I realize there can be safety risks when you run with music, I try to combat that by either running with one ear-bud in or playing my music quieter than I normally would.  Music = good running for Megan.

This brings me to my other thought, "real runners"? Well, here is my definition of a runner. Someone who repeatedly wills themselves to run any distance at any speed. I don't care if you're listening to music, dressed in a track suit from the 80's, wogging, going slow, not running far, whatever. If you run, you are a runner!

Goal for the next 3 days!!

Ok, so this morning I was finally able to get out of bed early enough to work out.

I was hesitant to get out of my bed, but I did it.  I headed out on an easy 4k run.  I decided to head for the hill because I love the view, and it was guaranteed to be great because the sun was just coming up.  I ended up running 5k because it's an extra K to go to the hill. I felt so amazing when I was done!

This was the view from the top!

OMG, this was exactly what I needed.  After I was done with my run and tidied the house a little, I made myself a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast and actually sat down to gloss over a magazine in sweet sweet silence before the chaos of my day unfolded! Throughout my day I had so much energy I ended getting a bunch of stuff done along with an extra workout.

Back when I started my journey all my workouts were in the a.m. and I remember it felt great!  Somewhere during January/February I slowed down and eventually stopped working out in the morning.  I've gotten a little lazy with it and it shows in the struggles that I have had in the last two months.

My goal now for this week is to wake up BY 6am or earlier to get my workouts in and have a little "Me" time before my day starts!  I think it will go a long way to getting my head back in the game, and hopefully I will feel inspired to re-commit to making that a regular part of my routine.  Now, hopefully I can get to bed on time!

What time of day do you like to work out?

GUILTY!

That's me.

When I have extra calories available to consume, I have issues.

If I eat something unplanned, I feel guilty.
If I eat something that isn't fruits, vegetables, lean-meats or low-fat dairy, I feel guilty.
If I eat larger portions of foods than I normally have (set in my brain as "good portions"), I feel guilty.
If I enjoy my food too much and want more, I feel guilty.
If I actually have more, I feel guilty.

BUT at the time I think

If there is something you are craving, eat in now
If there is something you want with lots of sugar, eat it now
If... sometimes I don't even need a damn if just, eat it now

Yesterday was long-run day.  I burned somewhere around 1500 calories, which gave me over 3000 calories to eat.  Combined with Easter, I was originally excited that I could indulge "guilt-free".  So what did I do? I indulged.  I counted all my calories, and I logged everything.

At the end of the day, looking back at my menu, I started feeling guilty.  Was that too much chocolate? Should I have eaten more fiber? Should I have had more Turkey instead of this or that?  I could have had more vegetables, I could have said no to chocolate, I could have______.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda.... right?

Why can't I just be happy that I stayed in my calories?

Weigh-In April 8th

Today I weighed in at 222 lbs.

That is a 2 pound GAIN from last week :P

Don't worry, it's totally ok! I had a great week, and started a new phase of my working out so I'm sure that a lot of that is water retention from working out, and ALSO I've been over on my sodium for the last few days.

Next week will be a loss!!

Don't believe me? Just watch!

Now on to Easter Festivities and my 13k.

First week of Lean Phase (Week in Review)

Exercise

4 runs
3 Lean Phase workouts (Chalean Extreme)
3 walks

612 minutes of exercise
5066 calories burned through exercise

Nutrition

2159
2160
1647
2115
1716
1678
2119

Challenges

I am still struggling with my food intake, but this week has been MUCH better than last.  Also I have been having to make what we have work because I had to shop on a tight budget for the family which meant getting the cheaper things to make the budget work.

The first week of Lean Phase is a killer!  All my muscles were sore this week, so I KNOW I am making some changes!  The workouts are slightly longer than the other phases, which is a little intimidating for me, but I'm on the final countdown!  Only 3 weeks left!

Successes

I was able to wear my very favourite pair of pyjama pants, and they actually were almost falling off of me.

Operation "Set your calories lower so when you have over days you balance out at your old calorie goal" was a success.  I managed to average 1942 calories per day this week.  Next week I would like to get it down around 1850, but I am happy with this too!

I ran 13k on Sunday, and also got ALL my runs in this week! I also ran 2 separate miles at a 12min or under pace while pushing my two kiddos!

This weekend I have been spending lots of time doing quality things with my family, and that is a big win because they are a big reason why I am doing this journey in the first place.

I hope that I can continue on this way next week!

Then vs. now

This is where I started from.  I remember when I was pregnant (Top left and bottom right at about 2-3mos) I could barely WALK around the block without getting winded.  My feet hurt just from standing, my neck-fat made it harder to breathe when I was going to sleep, I was topping out in size 24 clothing.  I pretty much resigned to the thought that I would be fat forever.  

Below is where I am now.  I'm roughly half-way to my goal weight-wise, but I believe I am in the best shape of my life.  I'm currently a size 16/18 and 220lbs.  I can run 13k non-stop, and I am lifting heavier that I ever have before (except for possibly squat-wise when I was training for track and field).

These next pics are a few of me at my lightest.  Top left was me around 160ish, and the other 3 are me at 149lbs. I was a size 6-8 and sometimes 10.  I had done some running to get to that point but for the most part I walked and ate less, period.  I was skinny, but I was also skinny-fat.  I still felt at 149 like I had another 10-15lbs to go but I hadn't been running for a while, and never lifted any weights.  

I used to think I wanted get back here.  Now I realize I want to get to somewhere else.  I want to be fit!  I want to be toned, strong and sexy. I want to achieve fitness goals and have energy! My motivation is entirely different too.  Back then I was young, single and had never been skinny.  I wanted attention, and revenge.  Not any more. I don't have anything to prove, and I'm not doing it for anyone else but ME.  I'm at a place where I am feeling more and more comfortable with who I am, and not really caring so much about what I think others might think.  

I am finally at a place where I can just put myself out there and be ok with the fact that not everyone will like me, but those that DO, will like me for exactly who I am. 

I am so excited for my future beyond my 30th birthday (That is what I have been concentrating on this last 6 months).  I'm going to be fit, fun and full of life!  I won't be the person I was at the beginning of my 20's, I'll be better!

I'm pretty bad-ass

Can you tell from the title that I just got back from a run?

I am fighting this week strong!  I have made some bad choices, but I have also been working hard to not let them rule me.

I refuse to give up.  REFUSE!  This whole lifestyle part means that I will be doing this forever.  Sometimes I win, and sometimes I don't, but I get up and get back on track.

This may all seem like a repetitive theme on my blog, however, this is what I am going through, it is all part of the journey for me.  Win, lose, get back up and repeat (hopefully lose better)!

Today I won with my diet, and I also won with my run!  I kept my calories in check, and then I did a 7k speedwork run where I pushed my two kids in their stroller and still ran one mile at a 12min pace and another in just UNDER 12 min!  

This morning I weighed just to "check in" not as an official weigh-in.  I was up by 1lb. Guess what? I am absolutely not stressing about it.  Why? Because I just started the new phase of Chalean, the "Lean Phase" and that means using different muscles and that has water retention written all over it.  Remember last month when I worked my ass of the first week and then lost NOTHING! It was the same thing, I was retaining water, and then the next week when I BOMBED diet and exercise-wise I still lost 2lbs.  This month will be different. I will not bomb next week, I will continue keeping my head in the game and know that regardless what the scale says I am doing the best that I can and that results WILL come!

Speaking of the Lean Phase, WOW, it is intense!  I can see why most people see the best results this month! Hopefully mine are great this month too! The compound moves and number of reps are awesome.  I know I am going to want to repeat Chalean again already!

So far, So good... Ugh?

^^ That right there is how I am doing so far this month.   Cautious since last month I felt like I lost momentum, but winning in the big picture.  

I'm huge on analysing myself  things pretty much anything that interests me.  So I want to figure out WHY I lost momentum.  What was different last month?

A) Return to weekly weigh-in: Is it possible that going back to weekly weigh-in assisted in this?  At first I didn't think of it because before February I had lost weight just fine with my weekly weigh-ins and felt motivated each week by my weigh-in.  BUT In February I believed in myself and the process and when I had ONE bad day it never turned into a week, it was just one day.  In March I noticed myself giving up half-way through the week and feeling bad all week until it was over and I had another one to start "fresh".  

Oh man, this opens my eyes to something else.  I've been giving myself excuses! "You already ruined your week Megan, might as well take advantage before you get back on track next week".  WHAT!?!?  

STOP EVERYTHING

This is just the kind of shit that got me here in the first place. 

What does this show me?  

• I need to get back to basics
• I still have a lot to learn
• This journey will carry on much longer than just getting to a goal weight

I just realized I had every intention of making a list bigger than "A".  Oh well, sometimes I guess when you write things out it can take you off track and on to something more important.  

I am not going to go back to a monthly weigh-in right now because I don't think that the frequency that I weigh-in should affect my weight-loss if I'm doing things right. I will stay weekly, BUT I am now aware that I have been doing these things and have the power to take that knowledge, and change those bad habits, one at a time!

Starting April off right!

I started off my morning fueling up with some strawberries, oatmeal with peanut butter and an iced coffee with chocolate milk.  Monica from Run Eat Repeat has iced coffee before a lot of her runs so I figured I would try it out today!  

Here I am at the beginning of my 13k journey.

This was the second hill (but most intense) that I tackled. 

The view from the top of the hill is amazing.  I live in a very beautiful (most times) place.

At about 7.5k there was a booster juice so I decided to have my mid-run fuel in the form of a Green Hornet juice.  

My run was pretty hilly.  Definitely a challenge for me.  When I hit the 10k mark I started freaking out about the last hill and trying to think up alternate routes home.  Then I just started repeating (freakishly) "that hill's not so bad, that hill's not so bad, that hill's not so bad".  I got to the intersection where I had to make the decision... and what comes on my iPhone but Ice Cube baby.  "You can do it". I was in, I took on that hill and finished my last 3k like it "ain't no thang".  

Until I stopped and started walking and my legs were not moving normally. I think I have to start looking into compression shorts, ice bathes and so on.  Not super looking forward to it either. 

Overall my run was extremely successful and when I got home I refuelled with greek yogurt, carrot cake granola and a banana!    

April weigh-in and progress pics

First off, I weighed in at

I'm not really excited about this number actually pretty damn good with this number.  I had a slow month, I ate too much, I exercised a little less than I would have liked and I struggled.  Overall its a loss, and really, I'm eighty-f'n-seven pounds lighter than my heaviest, and 67lbs down from 6.5 months ago. 

Here I am this morning. It was really sunny so my light was a little off from normal. 

The next one is March 4th, to April 1st.  Not really much difference, however since I only lost 6.4lbs for the entire month I am really not surprised.  On top of that with the heavy lifting in Chalean Extreme its typically the month with the least weight lost.

The difference from 6.5 months ago to now. Many days I still feel like the me in the top picture. I still look at myself like 'the obese girl'. I still feel like the first thing a person will notice about me is that I am overweight.  That might be true, but I am SO much closer to being at a size where that might not be the first thing someone thinks when looking at me. It might not even be the first thing I think when looking at me!

So, next month I hit the 210's! I have 2 months and 3 weeks until I turn 30, and I am dedicated to moving forward whether the pace be fast or slower. I really want to see 199 by June 22nd, but I think I just need to concentrate on small goals again since 199 is pretty much the ONLY thing I have been able to think about lately.  So if I get to 199, I will be incredibly happy but until then I'm going to focus on 5lb increments.  BRING ON 215!!